Tyler Perry
According to The Family: A Proclamation to the World,
marriage is only authorized when it is between one man and one woman. Sexual relations outside the confines of an
authorized marriage are sinful. Indeed, “man’s
laws cannot make moral what God has declared immoral” [1]. Therefore, gay marriage is against the laws
of God, gay sex is always immoral, and the only options for a gay member of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are to stay celibate for the rest
of their lives, enter into a mixed-orientation marriage (which can be extremely
damaging to all parties involved), or exit the church.
Furthermore, we learn that gender is characteristic of
eternal identity, and that gender as defined in the Family Proclamation as “biological
sex at birth” [2]. Therefore, if an assigned
female at birth (AFAB) individual were to transition socially and physically,
even though their behaviors and physical features, and I mean all of
those physical features *wink wink*, would be masculine, they would still be a
woman. If a transgender member of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints were to make such a transition, it
is likely that their membership status would be in jeopardy. However, the General Handbook: Serving in
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints 38.2.3.14 does indicate
that non-Mormon transgender individuals may be baptized, though their
ability to participate in rites, callings, and ordinances that have a gender-based
component would be restricted [3].
I want to run through a bit of a thought experiment, using
these guidelines, policies, and doctrines as the basis of our study. I hope that it will be clear that I am not
trying to trivialize the struggles of anyone going through any class of
challenges with these issues. My hope is
that we will be able to realize that there are logical failings with this paradigm
that necessitate a review and revitalization of the teachings.
A Little Diddy About Jack and David
The story we will be going through is the story of Jack and
David. Jack was raised in a traditional,
pioneer-stock Mormon household in Sandy, Utah.
Jack was a smart kid, so he rooted for the University of Utah against
BYU, but he also graduated from seminary, held leadership callings in all his
priesthood quorums, and served a faithful mission in Monterrey, Mexico. Jack was an excellent missionary who was a
zone leader for almost half of his mission.
When Jack returned home from his mission, he started attending the
University of Utah, studying pre-med, but he eventually switched to nursing.
While at university, Jack decided that it was time to reveal
a secret that he had been hiding from everyone.
He was gay. He had hoped that faithful
missionary service would cause God to bless him to find a woman that he could
fall in love with and marry for time and all eternity in the temple, but after
much fasting, prayer, and temple service, he realized that his sexuality was
not changing.
However, he still loved Mormonism, and he wanted to make it
work. Shortly after coming out to his
family and friends, Jack met David, another gay man studying at the U who was
not a member of the church.
David was gay, but he had an additional secret. David, a northern California native who had
moved to Salt Lake in his early teens, had been born Denise. He had come out to his progressive and affirming
non-Mormon parents when they still lived in the Bay Area, and he decided to socially
transition and go on hormone blockers before the onset of puberty. At the age of 18, David began the long and
painful journey of physically transitioning, including top and bottom surgeries. Apart from surgical scars, there was no physical
evidence of David having been AFAB.
Jack and David met and immediately hit it off. Though Jack was trying to stay active in the
church, he found himself falling for David.
Before long, what had started as friendship turned romantic. Jack insisted on abstaining from sexual
activity until after marriage, and David was willing to honor that request. After a courtship of six months, David
proposed to Jack. Jack said yes, and the
wedding plans started immediately.
Jack’s bishop, Bishop Gibson, was concerned, though. He had been working with Jack since the young
man had moved into the ward about a year and a half ago. Jack had refused to attend a Young Single
Adult (YSA) ward because he felt uncomfortable there, instead opting to attend
the regular family ward that he lived in.
Jack had explained his challenges with sexuality and had expressed his
desire to stay active and in good standing with the church. To Bishop Gibson’s knowledge, Jack had not
taken any action that would have made him unworthy of a temple recommend.
So, when Jack announced his engagement to David on Facebook,
Bishop Gibson felt it his ministerial duty to give Jack direction and guidance
on how his marriage to David would impact his standing with the church.
After sacrament meeting the next Sunday, Bishop Gibson asked
Jack to join him in his office. “It’s
Sunday School this week,” Jack said to David.
“Will you be all right? Or are you
just going to wait for me in the car?”
“I’ll be okay,” David answered. “I’ll just tag along with Elder and Sister
Jensen,” he explained with a laugh, as he motioned at the senior missionaries.
Jack followed Bishop Gibson to his office and the two sat
across each other on opposite sides of the bishop’s desk. “Jack, I asked you here today because I saw
your posts on Facebook this week, and I am concerned that you are going down a path
that will adversely impact your standing in the church,” Bishop Gibson
explained. “Same-sex marriage, as you know,
is against church teachings, and homosexual activity is against the commandments. I know that we have discussed ideas for how
you can stay strong and active in the Gospel.
“I will admit that I have been concerned about your
relationship with David since I first saw you two spending time together. However, I was willing to set it aside
because you were coming to church regularly and fulfilling your callings. I never saw any sign of any behavior that
would be explicitly contrary to the teachings of the church, and you provided
faithful answers to the temple recommend interview questions.”
“And I have been helping the missionaries to teach David, as
well,” Jack interjected. “He’s even
agreed to live the Word of Wisdom. I
think the missionaries are talking with the mission president about petitioning
to the First Presidency to allow David to get baptized.”
“If he is actively trying to enter into a same-sex marriage,
then I think that is going to hurt his chances,” Bishop Gibson cautioned.
“Well, according to President Oaks, we would not be entering
into a same-sex marriage,” Jack countered.
Then, he clarified, “David is a trans man, and that means that according
to the teachings of the church, David is a woman. Technically speaking, it just isn’t possible
for David and me to enter into a same-sex marriage according to the church’s
own definitions. Sure, David is 100% a
man to me, but to the church… Well, to
be honest, David was hurt by the idea that the church would think of him as a
woman, but he is super supportive of me and my goals to remain active. And I think he loves the church otherwise. We both hope to see change, for sure, but we
are content with being faithful in our own way until God sees fit to provide
new revelation to the Brethren.”
“So, you see your marriage as being between one man and one
woman, in line with the doctrines of the Gospel?” Bishop Gibson asked
incredulously.
“Well, no,” Jack answered a bit meekly. “I see our relationship as a loving, monogamous,
and faithful bond between two men who love the Lord. But I also realize that the church would definitionally
have to view our marriage as being between one man and one woman, unless they
want to affirm trans identities. They
should affirm trans identities, but David is willing to accept less-than-ideal
circumstances if it means that he and I can be together.”
“You realize that you would not be able to be sealed
together?” Bishop Gibson wondered. “Your
marriage would only be for this life.”
“Well, yeah, but our children would be able to do the proxy work
for us. David could be taken through the
temple vicariously, and we could be sealed then. Better yet, God could reveal new truths that
would allow David and I to be sealed in this life. At least this way, though, for now, we can be
married in a way that conforms with the teachings of the church, even if it is
a bit unorthodox.” Jack’s leg was bouncing
up and down with nervousness.
“You may be putting your exaltation on the line,” the bishop
observed.
“You have promised me on multiple occasions that God would
set everything right in the eternities.
I love David. I love God. I trust that God will find a way to ensure that
David and I can find eternal happiness together.” Jack was still nervous, but he felt sure of
his answers. He felt a warmth in his
chest as he testified of his love for God and for David.
Bishop Gibson sat back in his chair and looked at the ceiling
for a long moment, as though he was lost in thought. Finally, he said, “In the New Testament, Jesus
calls the scribes and the Pharisees hypocrites because they were observing the
letter of the law to the detriment of the spirit of the law. Perhaps you are correct that, according to
the letter of the law, your marriage to David would be in line with the
teachings of the church. However, I
think it runs contrary to the spirit of the law.”
“Are you accusing me of acting like a Pharisee?” Jack asked.
“No, not necessarily,” the bishop replied defensively. “But I think you may be playing with a
dangerous thought process here. You said
that you think of your relationship with David as a homosexual relationship. That tells me that in your mind and in your
heart, you are doing something that is contrary to the teachings of the church,
even if it does happen to be in line with the letter of the law.”
Jack considered this for a moment, and then he asked, “Well,
where’s the line? I mean, we frequently
draw these lines arbitrarily of where the letter of the law ends, and the spirit
of the law begins. Tithing is defined as
“ten percent of your increase” in Malachi, and the definition of increase has
changed over the years [4]. So, spirit
of the law seems to govern there. But
the way we follow the Word of Wisdom is absolutely backwards. I mean, you only ask me about how I do with the
“don’t’s” of the Word of Wisdom, but what about the “do’s”? I have never been asked in a bishop’s
interview if I only eat meat “sparingly”.
And how is Diet Coke okay, but coffee and tea are not? With the Word of Wisdom, it is all about the letter
of the law. And we see those attitudes all
over the place in the church, Bishop.
So, where’s the line?”
“Chastity is much more important than the Word of Wisdom,
though [5]. Wouldn’t you agree?” Bishop
Gibson proposed.
Jack shook his head and answered, “No, I wouldn’t. Sure, the repentance process for slipping up
on chastity may be more difficult than for slipping up on the Word of Wisdom,
but the consequences are basically the same.
If I do pot, I lose my temple recommend.
If I have sex, I lose my temple recommend. I think sexual sins are more likely to call
for a disciplinary council, but apart from that, no, the consequences for both
are basically the same. And the eternal consequences
are pretty much identical too. If I get
hooked on cocaine and refuse to change that, I can suffer just as much damage
to my testimony and eternal reward as having premarital sex would cause. And the temporal consequences for safe sex,
even outside of marriage, are probably a lot less severe than the consequences
of many Word of Wisdom violations.
“But I would contend that what David and I are about to do
is not even a violation of the law of chastity.
If you say that it is, then it means that gender and biological sex at
birth are not the same thing, which runs contrary to what Elder Oaks taught.”
“But if I say that it isn’t a violation of the law of chastity,
then I am allowing a gay man to pattern his life after a gay lifestyle while
still attending the temple. Does that seem
consistent with the teachings of the church to you?”
“If you say that it isn’t a violation of the law of chastity,
then you are agreeing that the Gospel has shades of gray for us all to figure
out what is right and wrong,” Jack countered.
“Just like how we can decide if we pay tithing on our net or our gross,
or how we can decide if watching sporting events on Sunday is a violation of
the Sabbath without needing to be compelled in all things, I think that there
is some gray area here.
“I have studied this issue and prayed about it a lot,
Bishop. That includes many hours in the
Celestial Room, praying about this. I
feel good about it. I feel like God is
telling me that I should be pursuing this relationship with David. Are you telling me that the spiritual promptings
that I received in the temple are wrong?
Or are you telling me that your revelation for me is better than my
revelation for me? If that’s the case,
then what was the point in my receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost at all?”
References
[1] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/10/no-other-gods?lang=eng
[2] https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2019/10/02/dark-day-transgender/
Weird how I can build my whole argument using the Family Proclamation and Elder
Oaks talks.
[3] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/38-church-policies-and-guidelines?lang=eng
Scroll on down to 38.2.3.14 to see for yourself.
[4] https://wheatandtares.org/2015/12/27/tithing-have-you-considered-paying-on-surplus/
[5] Compare Alma 39 to Doctrine and Covenants 89.
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