Tyler Perry
I have recently been listening to many interviews on Mormon
Stories Podcast. In part, this is because
of a fascination with the history of the church of my heritage. Otherwise, I listen to understand my own feelings
through the context of the experiences of others.
In Dr. John Dehlin’s 2014 article “A Comprehensive List of Reasons
Why People Leave or Stop Believing in the LDS Church”[1], Dehlin notes that people
frequently ascribe their disaffection as being caused by multiple factors,
describing the experience as “breaking the shelf”. In the analogy, people describe encountering
difficult or challenging questions that they were willing to set aside and
place on a “shelf”, to be answered at a later date. Eventually, the weight of all the issues on
that “shelf” becomes too great, and it collapses, dragging their testimonies
along with it. This can lead to a faith
crisis, disaffection, and withdrawal from the church.
Despite the specific reasons being plentiful, I think I have
identified a few categories of common causes.
One of the most common that I have seen on Mormon Stories Podcast
and other platforms is what I will refer to as the “nobody told me this”
cause. This happens when someone
discovers that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon using a “peep stone”
that he found in a well, which he used for treasure digging, instead of the
Urim and Thummim we were told in Sunday School that he used [2]. Or that Joseph Smith had up to 34 wives, some
of them underage girls (even by nineteenth century standards) or women who were
already married to faithful LDS men [3].
Others are challenged by their temple experience. They are shocked by the peculiarities of the
rituals, which had been built up in their minds as great and sacred
things. Or they were unaware of the overt
Masonic imagery in the endowment [4]. To
be fair, the endowment is a… peculiar experience, even if you have a good idea
of what to expect going in.
And some people become disaffected shortly after baptism
because the missionaries never told them about the Priesthood ban on black
people that was not lifted until 1978.
I bring all of this up because I want to point something out
that I hope will be helpful for leaders of LDS youth. When people on Mormon Stories Podcast
and other sources talk about becoming disaffected by becoming aware of truths
that appeared hidden to them by the church, I do not resonate with those
stories.
Because I knew about most of these issues when I was in high
school.
And yet, I served an honorable mission.
Were it not for all those hunky BYU-Idaho guys, I may have
even gotten sealed in the temple.
I did not have what I would describe as a “shelf-breaking”
moment. The closest thing that could
come to that was caused by teachings like “The Family: A Proclamation to the
World” and “To Young Men Only” [5] [6].
So, how was it that I could know all these “dark secrets” of
Mormon history, and keep those items comfortably on the “shelf” without it showing
even the slightest signs of wear?
The first reason was the fact that I found the cosmology to
be incredible [7].
The second, and perhaps more important, reason was that I
had incredible youth leaders.
In the interest of protecting their privacy, I will refer to
them by their careers, and only in vague terms.
There are four leaders I would like to talk about, but there were many
more who did an amazing job in being honest and caring men who I admire and
adore to this day.
The four I would like to discuss are the Vet, the LT, the
Doc, and the Director.
The Vet taught lessons to us in the most memorable ways. He once used a rat trap to explain the
dangers of temptations, which, with deacon-age boys (12 and 13 years old), was
a recipe for hilarity. However, I think
the lesson that I remember the most was the time that he brought in a stereo
and played “Cat’s in the Cradle” to illustrate a point on a lesson about
fatherhood. That lesson has stuck with
me to this day.
The Vet did not teach according to the manual. He talked about things with honesty and openness. I think he respected us to make the best decisions
we could based off the information provided.
As far as the LDS metric of “success” is concerned, most of the youth he
taught during my upbringing went on to serve missions and/or get sealed in the temple.
The LT and I recently sat down to discuss some of my “news”. We had a heartfelt discussion about the place
in the Gospel for LGBTQ+ folks. In that stake,
there is one couple that is in a mixed-orientation marriage, and we discussed
the challenges that they must be facing as something of a proxy discussion for
what I have had to confront. In the end,
he did not have grand answers, but he did have real, Christian love.
The LT welcomed my family into the ward when we moved into the
area. Our families became close, and he
was one of the most humble, true Christians that I have ever met. He was also the only man who could deal with
my stepdad’s BS and continue to be friends with him. He was able to officiate my stepdad’s funeral,
and there was nobody better suited for the job.
And when it came time for me to come out, there were few
people that I felt deserved to know more than the LT.
The LT also hates it when I refer to him as LT, so I insist
on doing it.
The Doc once told me to hold an ice pack to my face after a
friend accidentally hit me in the face with a rock on a camping trip, instead
of, ya know, getting stitches or some other intervention. But he was also a caring guy.
The Doc was less of a spiritual teacher and more a man who
made his home available as a haven for youth who needed an escape. My friends and I spent a lot of time there playing
airsoft and Halo. We have joked
that it was most likely that time together engaged in those activities that kept
us from drugs and rampant teenaged fornication.
Still, the fact that the Doc and his family made their home a place
where we could just be kids gave me the fellowship that I needed to remain
faithful through a mission and, ultimately, through my time at BYU-Idaho, since
I would be reacquainted with many of those friends in Rexburg.
And finally, the Director.
I doubt there is another man who had a greater impact on my religious
education than the Director. The
Director and I have had several discussions recently, both over the phone and
over social media, respecting political and religious issues. While he has a literal belief in the church
and its truth claims, he is one who would genuinely welcome someone who does
not have a literal belief into the fold.
He and I have had a great number of challenging conversations
over the years. I was never the type of student
of religion who would accept an answer just because an authority figure said it
was true. If he made a claim, I would challenge
him to show me the references that could support that claim. Together, I believe we built each other up.
And today, I am still able to challenge him with greater and
more personal questions without fear of judgement or reprisal. And he challenges me in a similar manner.
His only fault is that he roots for BYU, but hey, pobody’s nerfect.
These four men were incredible teachers and leaders, and it
is hard for me to attribute any particular lesson or truth to any of them
individually. I remember learning about
how Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon from a hat in my youth. I know that I was taught about peep stones,
polygamy, and several other issues before ever leaving on my mission.
And when I was preparing to enter the temple, because of the
teachings of these men, I knew that I could check out documentaries on the
Masons to help me prepare. By the time I
was sitting in the endowment, I thought it was awesome to see familiar things
like the “compass and square” and one or more of the “tokens” that I recalled
from watching those documentaries. Rather
than the temple being a difficult experience because of its weirdness, I was prepared,
and I entered the Celestial Room without questions.
Admittedly, my mom sitting me down the night before to walk
me through everything in my packet was also helpful.
The point here is that these men were honest in what they
taught and true examples of love and acceptance. They were not men who feared the truth, and
they encouraged us to seek it out. They
were men of compassion, love, understanding, and integrity.
And that’s exactly what a youth leader should be [8].
References
[2] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/book-of-mormon-translation?lang=eng.
When South Park tells the story of how Joseph Smith translated the Book
of Mormon more honestly than how we were taught about it in Seminary, there is
a problem.
[3] https://www.fairmormon.org/answers/Joseph_Smith/Polygamy/Plural_wives
Fanny Alger and Helen Marr Kimball are the most famous cases of underage girls
being sealed to Joseph Smith.
[4] https://www.fairmormon.org/conference/august-2017/mormon-temples-freemasonry
This imagery is especially curious given the Book of Mormon’s strong condemnation
of Masonic activity, which it refers to as “secret combinations”. This article by FAIR Mormon is an example of
the shoddy and incongruent argumentation that apologists employ. “We don’t know and we have no way of knowing”
when it comes to excusing the strong circumstantial evidence that Joseph Smith
co-opted the Masonic rites into the endowment, but compare that to the standard
of evidence that they will use for defending the Book of Abraham translation. The Book of Abraham may be a true record of
the prophet Abraham, and the endowment may be divinely revealed, but the apologist
arguments for those points are beyond terrible.
[5] https://perryekimae.blogspot.com/2020/06/is-there-place-for-me.html
[6] https://perryekimae.blogspot.com/2020/08/awkward-sex-talk-with-grandpa-packer.html
[7] https://perryekimae.blogspot.com/2020/09/mormon-cosmology-is-cool.html
[8] I just wanted to give them a shoutout in the essay. If all of you read this, I love you guys, and I am grateful to you. Regardless of the path that I must follow, I am grateful for the parts that you have played in it.
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